When Grief Doesn't Follow the Stages: What No One Tells You About Non-Linear Healing

We've all heard about the "stages of grief" denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. They're taught in schools, referenced in movies, and quoted by well meaning friends who want to help us make sense of our pain.

But here's what I've learned through my own grief journey and through walking alongside hundreds of grieving clients: grief doesn't follow a neat, linear path. And when yours doesn't, it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.

The Problem with Stages

The stage model of grief was never meant to be a roadmap. It was developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969 based on her observations of terminally ill patients facing their own deaths not people grieving the loss of someone or something they loved.

Yet somehow, these five stages became the cultural script for "how grief should look." And when our experience doesn't match that script, we often feel broken, stuck, or like we're failing at grief.

The truth? Grief is not a checklist. It's a spiral, a wave, a wilderness with no clear path.

What Grief Actually Looks Like

In my experience both personal and professional grief is:

Non-linear
You might feel acceptance one day and wake up drowning in anger the next. You might cycle through multiple emotions in a single hour. There's no "moving forward" in a straight line it's more like a dance where you take two steps forward and three steps back, then sideways, then forward again.

Unpredictable
A song, a scent, a random Tuesday in March can bring the loss crashing back with the same intensity as day one. Grief has its own timeline, and it doesn't ask permission before showing up.

Layered
Often we're not just grieving one loss we're grieving everything that came with it. The future we imagined. The identity we held. The rituals and routines that made us feel safe. The version of ourselves who existed before the loss.

Physical
Grief lives in the body. It shows up as exhaustion, tension, digestive issues, a heavy chest, or a hollowness you can't quite name. Your body is processing what your mind can't always put into words.

Isolating
Even when surrounded by support, grief can feel profoundly lonely. Because no one else is experiencing your specific loss, in your body, with your history and context. And when people expect you to "move through it" faster than feels possible, that loneliness deepens.

What I Wish Someone Had Told Me

There is no "should" in grief.
You don't need to cry at the funeral. You don't need to "stay strong." You don't need to forgive, find meaning, or turn your pain into something beautiful. You're allowed to just hurt.

Grief and joy can coexist.
Laughing doesn't mean you've forgotten. Feeling moments of peace doesn't mean you didn't love them enough. Your heart is big enough to hold both the ache and the lightness.

You're not "stuck" you're integrating.
If you're still feeling grief months or years later, you're not doing it wrong. You're learning to live with a fundamentally changed reality. That takes time. Often a lot of it.

Grief changes shape it doesn't disappear.
With time and support, the sharp edges often soften. The waves might come less frequently. But grief doesn't have an expiration date. It becomes part of you, woven into who you are now.

You don't have to do it alone.
Our culture encourages us to grieve privately, quickly, and quietly. But healing happens in connection. Whether through therapy, energy work, a trusted friend, or a grief support group letting someone witness your pain can be profoundly healing.

How I Support Non-Linear Grief

In my practice, I don't expect you to "get over it" or move through predetermined stages. Instead, we work with where you are right now honoring whatever is present without judgment.

Through hypnotherapy, we can gently access and release the grief held in your unconscious mind and body. Through energy healing, we clear the emotional weight stored in your system. Through psychotherapy, we make space for the complicated, messy, contradictory feelings that don't fit neatly into any stage.

We honor the spiral. We welcome the waves. We trust that your grief knows what it needs, even when it doesn't make logical sense.

If You're Grieving Right Now

Please know: there is no right way to grieve.

Your timeline is your own. Your process is valid. Your pain matters whether it's been three weeks or three years or more.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to be "better" by now. You're allowed to still be finding your way through the dark.

And if you need support navigating this non-linear path if you're tired of carrying it alone or feeling like you're doing it wrong,

I'm here.

Grief is not a problem to be solved. It's a process to be held.

If this resonates and you'd like support through your grief journey, I invite you to book a complimentary Discovery Call. Together, we can explore what your unique healing path might look like.